Life & Where it Should Be

I like to try to begin my day with scripture study. Lately, I've been reading in the Old Testament. This morning, I flipped open my bible and landed on this verse in Job: What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?" (Job 5:11). While I certainly am nowhere comparing my life to the suffering of Job, I have often wondered why should I have hope? Where is my strength? I have cried to the Lord asking, what is my purpose? Why am I here? Is there a point to the challenges I have and am going through? Why should I keep going?

Those that know me, know that where I am now is not where I wanted to be. The disappointment still runs deep. Many years ago, I wrote a story about where I felt I'd be at this particular age and it might have been a self-fulfilling prophecy to a certain degree. Sometimes, the whirlwinds of oppression try to take over as they whisper "Give up, you'll never belong," or "You'll never good enough to be happy."

It is hard to not look at others and as the 3 Doors Down song says "lie awake and wonder, "why can't that be me?"... If I could be like that, I would have everything." Sometimes the loneliness is thick and threatens to swallow me whole. Most of the time, fear overrules confidence and I'm "screaming inside, but can't say a word."

So, as Job cries to the Lord, I do too. I get on my knees daily and ask God for the solace only He and His Son, Jesus Christ can provide. While I haven't figured out exactly what my distinct purpose is, through the comfort of the Lord, I keep going. I can never give up, I can never keep trying to find my place in the sun, where I finally belong. Through the gospel of Christ, I know that I am strong and when I meet Him at His throne, that he rejoice with me and welcome me. Through hope, I walk forward in faith, even if it means taking a few steps in darkness. Though, I have been through much, and life didn't work out like I planned, I have to believe and have faith that I am where the Lord wants me to be. How thankful I am that through it all, I am never alone when I walk with Jesus and God, and the Holy Ghost.