Wednesday Night

Much is said about what spirituality is, or what religion is. There are so many different opinions, explanations, and counter-arguments. What would I say about this subject? I am no deep theologian, but I would simply say that I know God lives. I know that Jesus Christ is our brother and Savior. To some this may be trite or cliche, but it is true. I think often about the deep emotional and physical pain and abuse I've endured in my life, and how I managed to be where I am at now. It is not by me alone, but by God's watchful care and Jesus' tender mercies. The spirit has reached through the hardened and decayed walls of my wooden heart, to witness to me, the truth of these things. God knows me and I can turn to Him in complete fidelity and trust. He is always there and never mocking. After all I can do, He is there to make the difference. Call it cliche, but how else can I explain how I feel? This is my truth that I have earned the right to call my own.

An old notebook...

I was cleaning out my file drawer and found an old notebook from about 2008 or so, and found this written down, a simple but honest testimony that I still keep close to my heart.

I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I know He is our loving brother and when we see Him again, He will embrace us with love and kindness. He died for our sins, so we could be forgiven of our mistakes. He paid our ransom in His blood. He will lighten our burdens. He will cleanse our souls, heal our hearts, and bind up our wounds. Jesus Chris is our Savior, Redeemer and Messiah.

Thoughts from a 2003 Sacrament Program

I have a lot of random notes and thoughts scattered on many pieces of paper. I found this sacrament program from September 2003 with random thoughts, not all my own, but ones that are still worth sharing, even 8 years! later.

What is truth? We need to acknowledge that God is there.

At Savers recently, there was a family standing in line in front of me buying board games. In our game of life, do we have all the pieces and instructions, or are we trying to make up our own rules as we go?

Is the road you're traveling on and the conduct you're displaying leading you to your God-given potential? Your life is carefully watched over. We need education both temporal and spiritual to meet our divine potential.(Not my thought, for some reason I think it was Henry B. Eyring).

Those who love Him (Jesus) will be most like him.- Ezra Taft Benson

Trials bring faith, the trial of all trials is not having any. Did Jesus have trials? He suffered all and overcame all. Are thou greater than He? Do we say "I don't need anyone's help, I can do it alone?"

The true test is not the accomplishment, but how you got there, and if you were humble to seek help from our Father. He knows the easier way than we do on our own. (not original quote)

Lastly, as I was trying to find out who said the quotes above, I found this from a fireside talk:

If you were to make no changes in the present course of your life, would you be happy with who you are and what you have become five years from now?

(Elder Donald L. Staheli Of the Seventy, CES Fireside for Young Adults,2 March 2003, http://lds.org/broadcast/ces030203/transcript/0,16038,395,00.html)

Sincere Prayer: Lessons from The Movies

Recently, I watched a classic movie, "The Wrong Man," starring Henry Fonda, in the true story of a man convicted of a series of robberies. Directed by Hitchcock in 1956, it was an interesting turn into the world of so-called justice not only as a study in time, but with modern- day applications.

One of the interesting yet small themes in the movie was the concept of prayer. Fonda, as Manny Balestrero, was a religious man. The movie didn't indicate how devoted or faithful he was. Perhaps he was like many of us, mindful of the duties and responsibilities, but maybe just going through the motions. As his story unfolds, his prayers for relief, for deliverance aren't seemingly met. When everything seems to be going wrong against him, like a '50s Job, his mother asks him if he is praying, and reminds him to turn to sincere prayer. The next scene shows Balestero (Fonda) fixed on a picture of Jesus and he begins to really pray, beyond the perfunctory "please give me" prayer, but a deep and meaningful conversation with God. Without detailing anything that happens after or giving away any spoilers, just suffice it to say, that things take an interesting turn after his true and honest prayer. What made this time any different than the long, drawn-out pain and agony Balestero and his family had suffered up to this point? Two things, in my opinion, can be learned from this. First, we don't always understand the reason and timing of the Lord's plan for us. Secondly, we need to develop a true relationship with God, conversing our true feelings and thoughts. It is scary to be vulnerable, but with sincere prayer and honest faith, miracles are possible. Nothing is impossible for the Lord and we will be amazed at what He can do for us when we turn to Him.

Psalms 6:9
The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer.

Alma 34:27
...Let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.

Withstanding the Fiery Darts

I have to deal with some difficult individuals in my professional life. These toxic vampires delight in sucking the energy out of their colleague, as they rip their esteem to shreds. In preparation of recent events, I decided to enlist the power of God to help me withstand these vampire's attacks. On the morning of the first day, I opened my scriptures and landed on Psalms.

I came across these verses:

Psalms 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalms 27:14
Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart.

I repeated these verses out loud and included them in my pleas to the Lord to be able to get through my job requirements unscathed.

I also remembered my favorite scriptural verses that helped me realign my perspective:

Psalms 56: 3-4
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
In God I will praise His word, in Good I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

With God as my light and my armor I was able to get through the grueling schedule with smooth sailing and no vampire attacks!

I love the Book of Psalms. I find great peace and comfort from this beautiful book of scripture. When things seem impossible, God is there to make them possible.

Poem from 2003

I decided to type up the stack of poems, thoughts and essays I've collected over the years. This is a poem I wrote on November 30th, 2003.

Pick any random day on the calender.
It all goes by like such a blur.
Every day I try so hard,
yet I don't get very far.
Every day I try,
to figure out why.
Why do I get out of bed,
when it seems easier to wish for dead?
Night and day,I'm on my knees to pray
Just hoping that maybe I can hear what God is trying to say.
Sometimes, it's such a fight
to try to choose the right.
Life never changes,
apathy seems to be contagious.
Yet, somehow a silver of hope
bores through the most desperate rope.
Keep the faith,
even if it takes all ounce of strength.
Days and trials do have an end,
through hope in Christ, our eternal friend.
The Lord's blessings will rain upon you someday
so let come what may.
Don't quit, don't fail.
Your faith in Christ will prevail.

Seek the Rescuing Rope

It is hard to see the end from the beginning. It is hard to see beyond the day-to-day grind as we trudge through, it is hard to see the grand sweeping scope of eternity, when we feel mired down with temporal pain and anguish.

There are a lot of us suffering silently, with our fingernails grasping on the cliffs of faith, desperately trying to avoid the faithless chasm of eternal despair below us where our soul will ultimately be devoured and folded into the forgotten, if we let lose of our weakening grip.

What do we do to save ourselves? How do we keep move from our teetering grips on a rocky, devoid precipice to reaching the safety of solid ground? Though those of the world flaunt living close to the edge- it really is just a song. We must turn back to the Lord. If we haven’t talked to the Lord before, or in a long time, we must kneel and pour out our deepest fears, our loftiest hopes, and our hearts to Him. Ask for faith, for strength, for relief. Toss your backpacks of woe and care to the Master, Jesus Christ. He has born all. He is the safety rope that will rescue all of us that are clasping with all our might, but are slipping on our cliffs of turmoil. We simply can’t afford to live on the edge of faith, of reason, of skeptical doubt. It is too dangerous for our mortal journey or our eternal salvation.

Call out for comfort, for endurance, for joy. Cleave unto your covenants. The blessings of God are available to all, regardless of status, when based upon obedience. Never give up. Never let go of your hold on that cliff. The Savior didn’t – because He, as the Son of God, knew what the eternal possibilities were promised to each of us. We may, in abstract, understand the concept that there is more. Life is about joy. So, seek true joy where we are. Look for the subtle reminders that God is real and knows us – perhaps in the blossom of a flower, a vibrant sunset, the smile and welcome of a long-lost friend. During our busy lives, take time to stop, and consider the eternities that wait for us – the eternities that we are living and shaping now. Take time to be still, to open your heart to the whisperings of God’s love – without cell phones, iPods and vapid television sitcoms.

Face each day with full conviction of heart with a prayer in your soul. Accept each opportunity, both good and hard, with courage. Enjoy every moment. Begin your eternal journey every day. The road to eternal joy is a daily decision, a task and path chosen by us each day. Eternal life, the sweet reward, is comprised of a thousand daily decisions that we choose in the sum of our existence. We must stay strong, for there is evil at work, seeking to have us fail and be miserable, to destroy us into weak and useless shreds of our true divinity.

There is a master plan. Each of us has a part; don’t lose your light because of the seemingly endless night. There is hope. There is purpose. There is a reason for all things. Grasp on to the rescuing rope of the Lord and His Son, Jesus Christ, come back to the safety of solid ground. God is there. God is real. God loves you and is waiting to rescue you from the calamities and silent sufferings of your heart.