Welcome Fellow Traveler!

Each of us is on a journey through mortality, and our mission is to find peace within ourselves and within the people around us, in our immediate families and circles to the community as a whole.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Post-Peruvian Ponderings

It's been tough readjusting to my new American life. I've not given as much steady dedication to scripture study as I should have lately. It's been chaos and confusion as I try to sort out my life.

Concidentely, or by design, a book "No One Can Take Your Place," by Sherri Dew got mixed up in my box of books. I've been reading it off and on since I returned to Utah. 

I'm in the chapter about integrity and there were some thoughts that have come to mind during the last few days. Some inspired by her book, some not.

First, she talks references the Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon. These were 2,000 young men who were "exceedingly valiant, courageous" (Alma 53:20-21).  They did everything that they were asked to do with strength and exactness (Alma 57:21).

These questions came to my mind as I read the book and the scriptures:
  1. Do we obey God's commandments? 
  2. Are we trustworthy people in our daily lives? 
  3. Can God trust me?
  4. Do I have integrity at all times?

Secondly, today I continued to read in the book.

Happiness and joy come only when we are living up to who we are. - Sheri Dew
  1. Who am I? Really. I don't really know. I know abstractly some charachater sketches of myself. I know that I'm a daughter of God, supposdly. But yet, I struggle to believe that, to know that, to feel that.  Who am I?  What is my purpose? Why am I alive and why do I have the challenges I have?  These are questions that have plagued me for many, many years. I struggle with self-confidence, self-worth, and other self issues.  It seems though that who I am isn't really doing much in the way of success in the world or otherwise.
  2. How do I overcome this deep question of self-identity?  
Lastly,  this morning, I woke up with a groggy thought: Will I ever find someone who recognizes my individual worth and divine nature? The response to that came clearly : Do YOU recognize your individual worth and divine nature?
The answer is no. I sure don't. I don't see any worth in myself. I don't see any measure of divinity. 

Yet, here's the kicker. I know and testify that Heavenly Father is aware of me and hears my prayers, and answers them.  But, I still have no confidence in myself as a person of any sort.  How can I resolve this cognitive dissonance?

How can I finally accept who I am and be happy?

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