The last two weeks have been rough for me emotionally. I don't really know why. Feelings of being alone, lonely, lost, anxious, and depressed have slowly started to wear my resolve down. I have been waking up utterly exhausted, lethargic and apathetic. However, it hasn't gotten the point of not showering or trying to remain well-groomed. To me, in my life, that has been my yardstick of these moods, these dark, and dreary doldrums that wash over me, like a summer storm letting loose over the calm ocean. Do I still care enough to wash and comb my hair? Do I still put on a bit of makeup or put on a bracelet?
I try to stay positive but I'm tired. With the lack of energy when I wake up, I finally drag out of bed, without much time to spare before my trek into work. Because of this, my normal morning routine of reading my scriptures and writing in my journal has been pushed aside, particularly this last week.
On Friday afternoon, I had some time before going back to work. I decided to spend some time reading my scriptures. I read in the Pearl of Great Price, in the Book of Moses. As I was reading chapter 5, the following sentence really hit me.
Adam said... " In this life I shall have joy." (Moses 5:10)
I started pondering this concept. In my melancholic mood, I cynically scoffed at this idea at first. This life? This life that I have now? What joy do I feel? How do I feel joy? What do I have to be joyful about? I'm a million miles away from my family, friends, country, language, and home. How can I have joy when everything I love is so far away?
Looking back to just two days ago, I don't remember quite how I got an answer about joy. Was it Friday night? Saturday morning?
Anyway, I was praying and suddenly, I really started thinking about all the dear friends and family members I have. I started thinking about all their kindness, support, help, friendship, encouragement, and love. I started to, as trite as it might sound, count my blessings. I started to think about the friends I have made here in Piura as well.
I felt the sweet comfort of the Spirit warm my heart as soon as I started to realize that true joy isn't from things, or your lot in life, it comes from being grateful for what you have, and who you have in your life. I have an amazing circle of friends from many different points in my life, and a wonderful, kooky family. That is true joy, and I do know what that feels like in my life. Once I started to look at what I did have, instead of focusing on what I didn't, I realized that gratitude does create a joyful heart.