You're Not Lost Anymore

Recently, I was invited to attend a Family Home Evening night with church investigators at a ward friend's home.  Family Home Evening is a concept that a family set aside one night during the week  where everyone gathers together as a family to spend time together. There is usually a spiritual lesson, maybe a game, or a service project. And, most often, there is a delicious treat afterwards.

It was a holiday, so I'd spend the day loafing around and watching a British television series. As the clock ticked closer to 7 p.m., my anxiety about going to my friend's house grew more and more.

As somebody with social anxiety, I can get very nervous before an event. I start to think of all the things that could go wrong or potential problems - real or imagined.  I argued with myself about going or staying.

It is like the proverbial devil and angel on my shoulder before social events.

"Surely, they won't notice if you don't come," My scaredy-cat side said.

"But, you said you were coming, they are expecting you." My sense of commitment said.

"You don't even speak Spanish, why would you go, you won't understand anything," the cat purred.

"You need to go." My inner voice calmly said.

It was tempting to stay comfortable and safe, holed up in my room. I could beg an excuse, if asked. I was tired, I didn't really feel good.

But, honestly, I was afraid to go. I was afraid of going into a situation I didn't know. I didn't know who was going to be there, I was going alone. These barriers are hard to overcome even in the states,  how could I overcome the gigantic barrier of language?

Yet, something propelled me to shower, dress and walk out the door. As I passed motos and taxis on the street, my inner fearful feline howled.

"Turn back, it's okay, turn back. Are you sure it was 7 and not 6 pm?" The cat cried, "Nobody wants you there anyway."

Again, a calm voice answered for me, "Go."

Finally, I hired a moto, and away we went. As we sped closer, I thought maybe I can have the driver drop me off someplace else.

I thought I'd remember where my friend's house was because I had been to the house before, for my birthday party, but when the driver dropped me off, I was not in the right spot. I walked around the block and around the neighborhood several times.

The voices blurred together.

"Leave, you obviously are lost. Don't try to call the phone number you have, it's wrong," the feline voice said, "you don't know how to make a phone call here anyway."

"Don't give up,"  the peaceful voice said.

I was too scared to ask somebody for help. I started towards home but yet kept looking, thinking I was close.

Finally,after much agonizing, I was depressed and defeated. I decided to just give up and go home.

Never wanting to turn down an opportunity to visit the grocery store, since transportation is a concern of mine, I went to the local corner market.

I walked into the store and saw huge crowds at the check stands. I turned to walk out, but I convinced myself that I shouldn't miss an opportunity to get some things since I was that far down anyway.

As I started to work my way into the back of the store,  I heard my name! I looked to my right at the line, and saw the parents of my friend who invited me to their house!  I was so surprised. Of all the people to run into, it was the my friend's parents!

My friend Daniel's mother asked me if I was coming to their house. I replied or tried to reply that I had hoped to but I got lost.

Some of the other people in line helped our attempts at a conversation. My friend's parents invited me to go with them back to their house.

I remembered that I had my Kindle (with my scriptures on it),  but it also had a Spanish phrasebook on it.  I quickly looked at it, while my friend's parents checked out.  I found the phrase I needed.

"Estoy perdida,"  I said, as we exited the store.  (I am lost.)

Daniel's mom responded (I think, according to Google Translate!), "no estás perdido ya." (You're not lost anymore.)

That simple phrase pierced my soul.  I was not lost. Not literally anymore, nor spiritually. The Lord knows each of us. He knows where each of us are, we are never lost to the Lord or His Son, Jesus Christ. I was literally lost, and I was found, both in reality that Monday night, and spiritually.

The evening ended up being a successful, spiritual and fun time.  We watched the movie, "The Restoration."  Thankfully, I could watch it in English subtitles. During the movie and discussion, I hoped and prayed I could bear my testimony.  My heart started thumping when Elder Smith asked if anyone had any questions or comments.  I didn't speak up, and somebody else started speaking.  Another opportunity was presented.  I finally timidly rose my hand and asked if I could bear my testimony.

I had my notebook where I wrote out my feelings in Spanish. When I started to flip through it, the paper wasn't there! Then I remembered, it fell out of my notebook, and it was at home.  I froze, but then I said I would say what I remembered in Spanish.  Then, I asked Elder Smith if he would translate the rest of my thoughts.  It was a spiritual experience. I was so happy to be able to share my testimony.

What a powerful lesson. The Lord knows and cares about each of us.

After that, we played games and sang karaoke.  I am grateful for this experience. I am grateful that I went, despite all the internal obstacles.  Especially when we all started doing the horse dance. Op. Op. Op.