Life & Where it Should Be

I like to try to begin my day with scripture study. Lately, I've been reading in the Old Testament. This morning, I flipped open my bible and landed on this verse in Job: What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?" (Job 5:11). While I certainly am nowhere comparing my life to the suffering of Job, I have often wondered why should I have hope? Where is my strength? I have cried to the Lord asking, what is my purpose? Why am I here? Is there a point to the challenges I have and am going through? Why should I keep going?

Those that know me, know that where I am now is not where I wanted to be. The disappointment still runs deep. Many years ago, I wrote a story about where I felt I'd be at this particular age and it might have been a self-fulfilling prophecy to a certain degree. Sometimes, the whirlwinds of oppression try to take over as they whisper "Give up, you'll never belong," or "You'll never good enough to be happy."

It is hard to not look at others and as the 3 Doors Down song says "lie awake and wonder, "why can't that be me?"... If I could be like that, I would have everything." Sometimes the loneliness is thick and threatens to swallow me whole. Most of the time, fear overrules confidence and I'm "screaming inside, but can't say a word."

So, as Job cries to the Lord, I do too. I get on my knees daily and ask God for the solace only He and His Son, Jesus Christ can provide. While I haven't figured out exactly what my distinct purpose is, through the comfort of the Lord, I keep going. I can never give up, I can never keep trying to find my place in the sun, where I finally belong. Through the gospel of Christ, I know that I am strong and when I meet Him at His throne, that he rejoice with me and welcome me. Through hope, I walk forward in faith, even if it means taking a few steps in darkness. Though, I have been through much, and life didn't work out like I planned, I have to believe and have faith that I am where the Lord wants me to be. How thankful I am that through it all, I am never alone when I walk with Jesus and God, and the Holy Ghost.

Weak Things to Become Strong

Through my life, I have had many trials, as most anyone sojourning through this life does. Many times, we curse God and throw our hands up into the air, exclaiming "Why has God forgotten me?", or "Why even bother trying? Why not just give up and forget this heartbreak and suffering that comes from disappointments?" It is easy to feel not good enough. We hear the luring calls of the Adversary saying "you'll never get what you want, you'll never be good enough, so just stop it and join me."

However, in scriptures, we learn the purpose of trials. In the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, Ether, a prophet records what the Lord has said: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

When we turn ourselves to God, through the power of Christ, our weaknesses become parts of our firm foundation of righteousness. Furthermore, we learn that Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, wrote:

"Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

How can this be true? How could anyone rejoice in their weakness? How could being weak make someone strong? Paul understood the true nature of the weaknesses, because when he turned to the Lord and to Jesus Christ, he recognized that he needed divine help, and through that humility, he was strengthened to endure the trials that he would have never been able to overcome as well on his own.

In a recent episode of a popular tv show, "Ugly Betty," the main character Betty wishes she had her braces off. In a dream sequence, she does and sees how different she, her family, her co-workers, and others around her are. When she asked the "fairy godmother" about why she was so mean to others, the woman replied to the effect that the braces taught her compassion for others and when she didn't have the braces, she didn't learn to care about others.

Do we rejoice in our infirmities? Have we turned to God and asked what we should learn? When trials come our way from spilling our orange juice down our white shirt, to losing a loved one suddenly, do we curse God or pray to God for help? Do we rest upon the arm of the Lord or do we try to figure answers out on our own? When we feel inadequate and unworthy, do we turn to the Lord for support or do we shrug our shoulders and wallow in our sorrow?

I testify that in my life, now especially in hindsight, I can see that the weaknesses and sour situations that have come to me, sometimes of my own doing, some not, have made me strong. I have developed spiritually and emotionally and am filled with a calm reassurance, that no matter what happens, even if the true desires of my heart are not fully realized in this mortal plane, that I will be blessed beyond measure and can take comfort in the arms of the Savior.